Five 2007 Posts Ade Wishes He Never Wrote
Taxi Ride
ME: HOLY FUCK DID YOU JUST GO FROM ZERO TO SIXTY IN FIVE SECONDS?!
DRIVER: Actually… zero to sixty-five. Big difference, you know.
ME: But—but—YOU DIDN’T EVEN GIVE ME TIME TO PUT MY SEATBELT ON!
DRIVER: Seatbelt? Those big straps by our seats? You mean people use those things? What do they do, protect you from injuries in case of a car crash?
ME: Actually, yes.
DRIVER: Pussy.
This is me, going to work, in a taxi, and eventually making a hit-and-run victim out of a sweet old lady and figuring in a car crash that will probably leave me disfigured for life.
One Fine Day At Work
I grab my ax and smash her desk to pieces, screaming “THIS IS NOT MADNESS THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAH” in the process. Ok, I didn’t really scream that, mainly my boss was already giving weird glances in my direction and I didn’t want to make a racket with my screaming. So I just whispered “This is not madness this is Spartaaaaaaaah” while smashing my officemate’s desk to bits.
I just practically admitted to the entire world how efficient I am at the workplace- I spend the day badgering people for their pens, wrecking tables and doing Harry Potter impersonations. FAIL.
Gay Best Friend. Only Straight.
As a guy who’s been labeled as “safe” and having a “boy-next-door vibe”, I noticed that girls tend to trust me. A lot. I’m the guy who women hang out with and tell all their dirty linen to while he secretly masturbates to their stories when they’re not looking.
This is me being emo and me being totally whiny about girls telling me the sordid details of their sex lives while I don’t get any. Well, thinking about it, because I know much about their sex lives I’m like having sex by proxy with five women on a regular basis. Awesome as it sounds, it actually does suck, mind you. You should try it sometime.
BREAKING NEWS: The Man Blog Declares Coup D’état! OMG!
Police Chief Gen. Salungbayot demanded that the group leave the hotel premises by 3pm or they face, in the words of the general, “extreme pwnage”. The group responded by throwing a vial of herpes at his face. The 3pm deadline came and went without further incident. This non-event sparked rumors of the Philippine Govermnent surrendering. Mike “Fucking” Villar, the group’s leader, went on national television to declare victory, saying “They cannot defeat us. We have armies and gold and mana and Pokemans and berserkers all those other things you can buy on Warbook.”
Being a responsible blogger, I just HAD to make fun of the Trillanes brouhaha at the Manila Pen. Little would I know that would lead to a Blue Ribbon Committee investigation about my suspected “rebellious actions”.
Rejected Filipino Dubs: Harry Potter
Sabi ni Harry, meron ka na raw DYOGA!
Just when I thought I couldn’t push my dignity couldn’t get any lower, I just had to come up with this article that combined the two faggiest things ever: Harry Potter and swardspeak. I say goodbye to my masculinity now. FAGGOTY FAIL.
