Greatest Ninja in the World
You may want to think about this one, folks. Do you know who the greatest ninja in the world is? DO YOU EVEN KNOW IF THERE IS ONE? Of course you goddamn fucken’ do! You know him not, but I’m certain you know of him.
There are a lot of well-known ninjas, most of them profess their own greatness. Ninjas as great the most well-known ones may have been mistaken for the greatest ninjas on Earth; and some of them may even be considered the greatest, but that’s because the greatest ninja on Earth is so great that his ninjaship is so secret, I may be killed for spilling the beans here.
You’re trying to guess who he is, aren’t you? That’s okay; curiousity’s natural.
No, he’s not Ryu Hayabusa, he’s not one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, he’s not that Ask a Ninja guy, and suprisingly, he isn’t Chuck Norris.
But beware, if you get too close to the answer, it may be the last thing you’ll ever think about this year. Especially if you’re naughty. That’s right, it all depends if you’ve been naughty or nice.
SANTA CLAUS
DOES THAT NOT BLOW YOUR MIND?! DID THAT PARTICULAR PIECE OF INFORMATION TURN YOUR BRAIN INTO SHIT!? OR TURN YOUR NUTSACKS INSIDE OUT!? His ninjaness is so full of awesomeness and secrecy that no one ever suspected it. Until now.
No one ever sees him, but everyone knows he’s around at least once a year. Do we even hear him? No, no, we don’t. But we know of his presence- again, at least, once a year. He’s the greatest ninja that he even leaves evidence- even shit you would enjoy. But look as you might at the gifts he left you, will you find any fingerprints? I THINK NOT!
He comes in, and he leaves traceless, except for the things he wants you to see. He even eats your cookies.
Have you ever wondered how he gets in those houses that don’t have chimneys? He doesn’t need chimneys. What exactly does he need? No one knows. For all we know, he can get into a cube with no openings or walls. One day, we’ll see ancient Egyptian pyramids with wrapped Christmas gifts and half-eaten cookies.
If you’ve ever wondered how can one man get from one place to another in just the span of 24 hours, his ninja skills provide the perfect answer- NINJA SPEED! Ninjas can run across water with great speed, and be everywhere at once!
You’re probably saying “If he’s so great, and he’s so secret, how come we know what he looks like!?” Thing is, you think you know… but you have no idea. The image we have of him is the one Coca-Cola gave us.
No one really knows what he looks like. No one.
