Man-Blog

Potpourri? More Like COCOurri!

Editor: Coco Collantes | Section: braingasms | Email this | Viewed 600 times.

Think of this as TMB’s version of The Daily Show’s Back In Black. Only it’s written, it has less caffeine-induced yelling, and I’m 23 years old and do not resemble your online predator Uncle. Don’t get me wrong, I like Lewis Black. He just has this statutory-rapey feel to him, you know?

Anyway, as implied by the super-witty title (we pause to give you a chance to admire its super-wit) (PAUSE) this article will cover a variety of topics, including and strictly limited to the following: me addressing a personal issue, methamphetamines, TNA Wrestling’s upcoming video game, and bearded teenagers.

Off we go. But not before we pause once more for you to look back at how super-witty the title was; maybe you’d squeeze out a couple more lap-slapping chuckles and go “That sure was witty!” (PAUSE) Done? Great.

Off we go, for real this time.

I really appreciate the fact that people don’t question the way I handle certain things. It makes me think that they actually respect my decisions and recognize that somewhere in this noggin of mine are sound reasoning and common sense. It’s either that, or they just don’t bother asking. Which is also a good thing because I really like being left the fuck alone sometimes.

But to once again quote Mr. Hoppus, “my mouth is filled with blood from trying not to speak.” Now, I know that there’s a question you’ve all been meaning to ask, and I’d be more than happy to finally clear the air for all our sakes.

Why do I keep on wearing the same pair of rotten jeans everytime I go out, you ask?

Well it’s because they’re the only pair I own which effectively (and comfortably) conceal my leg sores, silly!

LEG SORES.

By the way, meth is not a toy. Make sure to tell your children that they damage nerve endings which cause uncontrollable itching. These lead to constant scratching and subsequently result in the above-shown, fantabulous sores.

On a completely related note, TNA and Midway have released new screenshots of the iMPACT! game which comes out on all major platforms later this year. And HOLY SHIT.

Kurt Angle, “The Monster” Abyss, and “The Instant Classic” Christian Cage.

Get a job. Get a Wii. Get the game. Get myself a juicebox.

Get a job. Get a Wii. Get the game. Get myself a juicebox.

Get a job. Get a Wii. Get the game. Get myself a juicebox.

And if I won’t have a Wii by then, I can always yoink my little brother’s PS2 from right under his stupid, little brothery nose! And I won’t hear a peep from his stupid, little brothery mouth! Because I’m older! And stronger! HAH!

Nope, he’s actually only a year younger and can easily hand me pieces of my ass contained in individual (and distinctively-colored) petri dishes. Even the guy courting my little sister looks like he could kill me with one bare hand. Dude’s 17 and he’s got a full-on beard, what the fuck.

It sucks being frail and weak. But at least I have the POWER OF KNOWLEDGE! Am I right, ladies?

Once again kids, meth is not a toy.