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JUNO? More Like SUCK-O!

Editor: Coco Collantes | Section: entertainment | Email this | Viewed 759 times.

This article pertains to the Man Blog forum monkeys’ discussions on the 2007 Diablo Cody/Jason Reitman film, Juno. It’s the current toast of seemingly every cluster of cinephiles imaginable, as evidenced by its almost unanimous backing from the more indie-oriented, internet-savvy youth, to the mainstream populace itself. One hundred million dollars at the box office and counting, four Academy Award nominations, and a 93% Tomatometer rating don’t lie.

It’s got Michael Cera and Jason Bateman, you say? It’s like Knocked Up but only wittier, you say? It was penned by a celebrity blogger who also happens to be a former stripper, you say?! SOLD!

I finally got around to watching it, and the film has a wee problem. I don’t know if you guys happened to notice it as well, but during that part where the Fox Searchlight logo pops up at the beginning of the film (with the Ten-tenenen! Tenenene-ten-tenenenen! 20th Century Fox fanfare to boot) up until the end credits, it seemed to really, really, REALLY SUCK.

So, Silly Angst-ridden Me decided to go to my so-called friends over at The Man Blog to complain about it, only to have an apparent bevy of Juno-ites stand in my way and kick me around like a scolded dog. This is how our innocent and totally un-debatey conversation went (Some text modified for editorial purposes and for added dramatic effect):

Coco: I smiled at times but the movie felt pretentious and was quirky for the sake of being quirky. I think that the writer got lost in establishing (and these are pretty obvious comparisons here so bear with me) a script that’s between the cartoonish eccentricity of Napoleon Dynamite and the realism of Knocked Up.

I really wanted to like the film. I guess it was just the fact that everywhere I went on the internet, people were raving about how this was a teen comedy that felt “real.” And after seeing the movie I was all like: “Yes! Because I know a lot of 16 year-old girls in real life who say ‘Fo Sheez’ all the time yet openly admit to having The Stooges as one of their all-time favorite bands and who casually walk around town chugging down a gallon of O.J. and get impregnated by boys who regularly wear ridiculously short golden shorts.”

Frank: I actually liked it. It’s one of those movies that immediately makes me feel better after watching it. Like The Royal Tenenbaums. Or Garden State. Or Little Miss Sunshine. Or Schindler’s List. Or Con Air. Or Godzilla. Or Baby Geniuses 2.

Coco: Point taken.

thegreatest: I thought Juno was funny and pretty witty. Lead does talk with a much more mature view on things (highly improbable) but overall, a decent flick. I’d recommend it. Also, if you don’t stop badmouthing the film, I will murder you.

Coco: That last part was completely unnecessary and highly uncalled for, but okay.

Fritz: After watching it thrice without subtitles, I’d say I’ll agree with Coco on the script. Grotesque in an “I cringe nao” sense for some of the exchanges. What redeems it is the way the actors portrayed the characters. Boyish girl’s personality is something I’d want to exchange “to love and to hold” vows with ASAP.

Storyline is light yet enjoyable. This is one movie where the viewer’s journey with the characters outweighs the plot, climax and all. So ultimately, I second the proposal of murdering the boy.

Coco: Again, that part about killing me and whatnot? It really won’t be necessary.

Pau: As for me, the film reminded me about this one time when I went to Gay Town (chuckles), and lemme tell you something, those guys at Gay Town sure know how to have a goo—-

Coco: Erm. Pau, I don’t… I don’t see how your frequent visits to Gay Town fit in with the discussion.

Pau: …

Coco: …

Pau: …

Baddie: (Clears throat) Anyway.

I was expecting a few chuckles and maybe a couple of sweet moments. I wasn’t disappointed. Sure, if you analyze the characters too much, there’s no way you’ll acknowledge them as “real”. If you come in with a lot of expectations and your mind’s set on focusing on the plot, the dialogue, the acting, etc., you’ll most probably feel a whole bag of factory-produced Quirk with a generous serving of Hip n’ Cool is being shoved down your throat.

I’m bored. Let’s murder Coco and go to Gay Town!

Everybody else: Hooray!

And so goes the story of “How Coco Wasted 6 Minutes of My Life by Writing About A Controversial Film, Only to Masquerade It As A Means to Make Jokes About His Naysayers Watching Baby Geniuses 2 and Frequenting A Fictional Place Called Gay Town.”

The End.