Man-Blog

Sanitary Napkin Manliness

Editor: Bim Barbieto | Section: the-fag-squad | Email this | Viewed 625 times.

Yes, those things. A woman’s best friend during her monthly visit, or as I like to call it- The biggest excuse to act like a bitch and get away with it. These things can be found almost everywhere, from the corner store to the super market. And though I’m no woman, I’m pretty sure most women keep it in stock in their rooms somewhere. I’m sure the mentality behind that is identical to the mentality of having a gun or carrying condoms- It’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. But what happens when one runs out?

Empty Cabinet

Well, you either go out and buy some yourself or you have someone else do it, which is, more often than not, the case. In those instances in which you have another person do this errand, the automatic choice would be a female friend or helper. This I understand. Girls are more comfortable asking other girls, because it’s normal to them. So, my male friends, if your penis is bleeding, that’s unhealthy.

Earlier today, one of the members of my family ran out. (OH TEH NO!) And no female member was available to purchase this valuable item from ye ole’ retail establishment (2x OH TEH NO), so I presented my services. I didn’t see the big deal; hell, in my eyes, I thought I was doing a favor, but they all started laughing at me. WTF, right?

Why is a man seen buying a sanitary napkin considered to have been drained of every last bit of masculinity? I prepared a small diagram to very briefly, yet clearly, represent the query. Here’s a quick diagram:

I’m a pretty hefty fellow, and I look manly enough (I carry around a .50 magnum revolver, some hardcore lesbian porn, and a power tool with me at all times) to not be mistaken as gay or anything similar.

When I was at the store, the clerk lady was laughing at me. I laughed with her and I told her that I was so comfortable with my sexuality that I can to these small things for women, without feeling emasculated or fruity. I’m so comfortable with my heterosexuality, in fact, that I can tongue-kiss a guy and it’d be perfectly straight and not gay.

As men, we should be able to look past these things and do small favors such as these for the women in our lives, and it doesn’t matter if we look like flaming flamingos of the fandango. If you’re in public transportation, get the fuck up and give your seat up. Help your girlfriend pick out that perfect summer dress for her company picnic. Carry her hand bag if she finds it too heavy. Girls appreciate these gestures, boys.