Man-Blog

The Bim's Dating Guide

Editor: Bim Barbieto | Section: the-fag-squad | Email this | Viewed 616 times.

As much as I hate this month with the passion of a thousand burning suns, I understand the need for some of my bretheren to impress their women on what they consider to be a special time of the year. And as the dating scene got more and more competitive, techniques, rules and guides have been developed and it has gotten more difficult to score an impressive date performance rating. But worry not, my friend. The Bim is here to help you out in-

In this guide, we discuss the rules of the before, the during and the after of a hot date. So, here we go.

Before

• Nervous guy? Are you especially nervous before a date? Yeah, you should see me twitch before I even leave the house.

Lay off the coffee. For one thing, your eyes won’t look like all bloodshot and ewok-y. You won’t be trembling like a crack addict all the way to the restaurant or whatever. And the most important bit, your breath won’t smell like you’ve been eating dead rats all morning.

• Remember, science tells us that love and attraction has as much to do with scent and pheromones as it does visual and personal appeal. So, make sure to put on perfume or cologne or anything similar. Girls hate guys who smell like factory workers, they’re apathetic to guys who don’t smell like anything, and love guys who smell dreamy.

• Your usual look is a black shirt, jeans and sneakers. That’s fine, but for this special date, you gotta look your best. Well, maybe not your best, but better than normal. Try wearing something you know she’ll like, or something that won’t make you look like you depend on your parents for money and fashion advice.

During

• So you think you’re pretty funny, eh? Good. Use that to your advantage, but remember while penis and masturbation jokes may be a hit with the guys, they don’t go over so well with the ladies. This pearl of wisdom has saved me more than once.

• Refreshments, yes? Yes. But don’t order bottomless iced tea. Unless you want to be known as bladder boy, make sure you don’t make frequent trips to the rest room, leaving your date often.

• Figuring out where to go may be a difficult task, because you’re not so sure what she’s into yet. Here’s the best solution to that- take her somewhere you’re familiar with, and where people are familiar with you. For one thing, you’ll be a lot more comfortable in a usual place rather than going somewhere you’ve never been to before. Plus points if the waiters know your name. Minus points for getting served a big mug of beer before even asking for it; that says you’re a raging alcoholic.

• Mystery gets women going. Be emigmatic, but not fucking weird.

Her: “So, where you’d go to school?”
You: “WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW?!”

That, that’s weird. Don’t be like that.

Unfortunately, I fail at this. Miserably. It’s not because I’m weird like that, but it’s because I am candidly honest. Ask me what color underwear I wore to my prom, I’d probably give you an answer. That’s all shades of wrong right there. EPIC FAIL!

• It’s nice to say nice things to your date, but don’t flatter her too much. Why? It’ll make you look desperate and you’ll seem like a whipping boy, and girls don’t dig the whipping boy so much (unless you’re into that kinda thing). You’ll also seem like you’re coming on too strong. Never come on too strong.

• It’s okay to bring a little something as some sort of ice breaking offering, but don’t offer her gifts right off the bat. Yeah, that sort of falls under the coming on too strong category. And do you think it’s fun lugging around some huge teddy bear with you the entire evening? No, friend, it’s not.

• A light and engaging conversation is the key to every good date, but don’t talk too much, and don’t talk too much about yourself. Don’t seem too self-centered, or she’ll get turned off right away. Ask questions. It’ll make you look interested and it’ll give you guys something to talk about. Plus points for hitting up a topic she loves, like books or puppy dogs or cooking and cleaning.

After

• I got this from another website, but I think it might work. Apparently, the golden rule is don’t call her for, at the very least, three days. It won’t make you look desperate, and you’ll be able to gauge how much she likes you if she’s the one who contacts you first. Play it cool. (I fail at this, too.)

• Don’t meet up with her friends right away. I don’t have a good reason for this, I just found it off the internet, but I suppose this will make you fall into the friend zone too quickly. Honestly, though, that’s a good thing sometimes.

So, there you go, boys. Take these tips and memorize them by heart and follow them, you’ll be a modern day Casanova in no time. But here’s the most important rule of all- Stop thinking so much, and have fun.