Just When You Thought You’ve Seen Everything…
Man has far evolved from the standard and old-fashioned (yet still formidable) BJ-Missionary-BJ-Cumshot procedure. And in his evolution, Man has beheld playful sexual ingenuity in the form of smurfings, reach-arounds, glory holes, hot carls, and Cincinnati bowties.
He, too, has witnessed a mishmash of erotic visuals such as upskirts, down-blouses, hidden changing room recordings, webcam teasings, and first-person perspectives while being straddled in the cowgirl position.
He’s probably seen everything. Everything but this:
In a time where hog-tied lesbian cheerleader orgies are a dime a dozen, one would surmise that for every porn film made, there would at least be one guy somewhere on god’s green earth getting his jollies from it.
But beating off to clown porn?! For fuck’s sake!
I know, I know… Every person is entitled to watch porn at their own behest. That’s an implicit rule among porn aficionados. So I’m not saying that it’s wrong; at least not entirely.
You see, even if there are no restrictions when it comes to pornography, one should be aware of THE LIST: An Enumeration of Specific Sexual Acts and Variations That Are Generally Frowned Upon, as compiled by The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA). And that list clearly states that a person can only pleasure himself to a film with a maximum of one (1) clown. Masturbating to a film featuring two (2) or more clowns will immediately render you a ranking of “Total Perv,” which is only second to the invaluable “Champion Sex Offender” title.
Now that we’ve set those things aside, excuse me while I pop this NAMBLA-certified tape into my VCR.
