Know Your Male Anatomy Series: The Balls
What exactly are they?
Testicles are the dangling pair of male glands that generate sperm and testosterone. More commonly referred to as man eggs, these walnut-sized spheres are also said to control the movement of the lower limbs as a minor strike on the crotchal area can send a man lying face down on the floor uttering all sorts of expletives he can come up with; making the testicles the object of both a man’s superiority and inferiority.
The Incan high priests of Quechua, Qusqu were said to be the first people who originally had balls of steel.
Functions
Those two little bags of nuts swinging away underneath every man’s favorite organ produce the two things needed to measure how much of a man a man is—testosterone and sperm. If you don’t have enough of the first, you’re missing out on more bone and muscle mass, better fat distribution and a stronger sex drive. If it’s the second that is lacking, well, let’s just say you won’t be passing on those genes and your last name any day soon. At any rate, there’s always the DNA test to prove that your son came from you despite his striking resemblance to the postman who delivers mail to your house on a daily basis.
In some parts of Europe, women and gay men alike regard the testicles as an object of delight and elation. They love to grab, squeeze, nibble, twist, lick and dunk these things to the point that men often felt violated hence the conception of the National Coalition of Free Men with Freely Hanging Nuts.
Proper ball-handling
Masturbate in moderation. Fun as it may be, emptying your milk sacs almost every hour will make these poor beanbags work overtime – causing fatigue, emotional stress and sleep-deprivation on the testicles’ end. Scientific tests also prove that over-masturbation would often result in deteriorated eyesight, wobbly knees, lightheadedness and involuntary movement of the right-hand fingers oil kj iu_+|=\opkj kl*(klij89 0()(*./.’;..
Keep them in room temperature. The cojones are like bottles in a wine cellar. To ensure the ongoing production of healthy sperm, they must be stored at a temperature lower than the body’s (which is 36 Celcius or 98.6 Fahrenheit). With men being the most responsible beings on the planet, the scrotum takes charge by automatically responding to external temperature changes. When it is cold, the scrotum’s cremaster muscle contracts to pull the jewels closer to the body. When it’s warm, the scrotum relaxes and dangles away from the body to stay cooler. Hence, men tend to sing Jingle Bells more often during the summer season. To visually illustrate:
Stay away from the following items. (More visual samples)
Next: Taking care of your family jewels.
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