Man-Blog

The Ultimate Guide on How to Score: Tip #3, or How to Discover Your Own Bonnie

Editor: Kinkylube | Section: the-nasty | Email this | Viewed 3604 times.

All I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend. – Jay-Z, ’03 Bonnie and Clyde

You know, you too can have your Bonnie. It’s true. With a bit of luck and lots of hard work, you too can make it happen. If you’re one of those who are constantly frustrated by the need to conceal the whims and fancies of your perversity from your woman, or bent on hooking up with a chick who’s as perverted as you are, then I implore you to read on.

Now let’s unpack “with a bit of luck and lots of hard work.� No matter how many times you turn it around in your head, good luck is good luck, that is, until it becomes bad luck. Which really means that luck, and all other elements as such, are out of your hands and beyond your control. You must accept this.

Next comes hard work. Now, being hardworking is something that is completely within your control. But hard work, as its name implies, is hard. Difficult, strenuous even. But then again, we’re not made out of tofu either. If you decide that hard work is not for you, at least do yourself and everyone around you a favour, and admit that it’s your problem, you fucking Loser.

See, the worst thing about hard work is not the difficulty itself, but the fact that it’s not an easy scapegoat. Every one of us is responsible for his/her own hard work, which kinda explains why luck is such an easy scapegoat for all the woes in your life. God does not love me, why me, life is so unfair, you’ve heard all the lamentations. Perhaps you’re even guilty of it yourself. So, instead of bitching and complaining incessantly about being shit out of luck, your should shut the fuck up and spend some time working hard, and then maybe, just maybe, luck will come your way.

But what if I’m truly unlucky you say. Well, I’d say, how unlucky? Have you put in your hard work? Or have you just been sitting on your hands and bitching? Because seriously, after all’s been said and done, if you’re certified unlucky despite all the hard work you’ve put in, there’s always razor blades and an infinite array of ways to jack out and join Neo in The Matrix. And if suicide is not an option, then keep trying because you can never be too hardworking, especially when it comes to women. I mean, FUCK, do you REALLY want a woman who will share your perversity or were you just exercising your bitching muscles?

Truth be told, being hardworking alone is not enough. One needs to have faith as well. Faith is choosing to believe in something before you see it. So fuck all that noise about believing something only when you see it. That stuff is for the Marines.

And last but not least, please understand and appreciate the fact that hard work is a learning process that will eventually move you towards a state where you will be bestowed acute powers of observation, an infinite supply of Buddha-class patience, and boatloads of poontang with brains and wit to match for you to choose from. And Clyde, when it comes to finding your own Bonnie, all the start-up hard work you have to invest is simply, a willingness to learn.

So now that the pep talk and foreplay’s out of the way, allow me to share with you some secrets on how to find a woman who will willingly become your partner-in-crime. A word of caution here. This article does not condone perversities that are deemed criminal in a court of law. It is not my desire to fuel the creation of another pair of Paul and Karla.

The best partners in crime are not people you can look for and hope to find. They are discovered, often in the least expected ways. So it is important that you are fully-equipped wherever and whenever you are. You must ask yourself if you can carry on a conversation without coming across as an asshole. I mean, just how wide is your repertoire of conversational/theatrical skills? Are you a cunning linguist? Each of us are different in our own ways—- another cliché, I know, but nonetheless a cliché that speaks a truth—- so you must first ask yourself who you are, what you’re made of, and what your whims and fancies are.

Finding out about yourself is a lifelong process, so it’s never too late to start. However, finding out about yourself is not sitting by yourself in a room and talking to yourself in front of the mirror. It’s a paradox, but talking to another person is the best way to find out about yourself. Try to notice, while engaged in conversation, that which makes you:

• comfortable


• uncomfortable


• laugh


• pissed off


• frustrated


• horny

When you’ve got this necessary “Knowing Yourself” bullshit down to a science, it’s time to find out if the woman you’re talking to is your (potential) partner-in-crime. It’s a little tricky, but not something that cannot be mastered with devoted practice over time. All you have to do is say and suggest filthy things to her in an offhanded sort of way in order to create an uncertainty as to whether you’re serious or joking. Everything can be theatrical. The only difference is how your audience reacts. Stendhal wrote, in Scarlet and Black, that, “Glances are the heavy artillery of the flirt. Everything can be conveyed in a look, yet that look can always be denied, for it cannot be quoted word for word.â€?

Now, allow me to rework the above into this: “Body language is the heavy artillery of the cunning linguist. Everything can be said, even the most offensive things, if bracketed with the correct grammar of body language, for body language can transform the crudest words into meanings of the greatest seductive value.�

Coupled with the correct body language, you can say something along the lines of “Hey, wanna go the back and make out?� or “I think that chick’s got a really hot body� without getting a tight slap across the face.

A response such as “Ewww…you’re so gross!� is usually a good sign. But if her jaws drop, and her eyes turn into this hardened look that reminds you of Medusa, perhaps you’d better shut up. Either your body language’s all wrong, or she’s simply one of those who belong in the type of women who are not interested in you.

If her response is favourable, the time has come for you to open up topics related to sex and the many facets of your perversity. But go slow. Nobody likes to choke on too much information, but then again, you never know. After all, perverts do come in many forms.

My grandfather used to say to me, don’t just be a fucker, be an intelligent fucker. So fuckers, remember, first the mind-fuck, then the fuck. That’s the spirit of the kinkylube.