Man-Blog

Dusty Old Farts

Editor: Squid Villanueva | Supposedly Under: the-source | Email this

I never had much of an opinion regarding Malu Fernandez when she started getting flak last year due to an article she wrote for People Asia Magazine that revealed her low regard of OFWs. I don’t actually read lifestyle articles since I think the culture vultures who write them are a lame bunch of dilettantes trying to supplant lack of talent with their ditzy enthusiasm in the more decadent arts and in things urbane. When, out of curiosity, I perused Fernandez’s damning article and some of the other crap she wrote, my reasons for not appreciating her and her ilk were merely reinforced. Long story short, she was booed all over the media, especially in the Internet. It would’ve been a different story if she turned out to be hot since I, like most dudes, would be willing to absolve a chick of first-degree murder provided that she was hot. Unfortunately for her, Malu Fernandez is about as hot as a week-old piece of penguin-turd in Antarctica.

The New Seven Deadly Sins: I'm Screwed

Editor: Baddie | Supposedly Under: the-source | Email this

Pride: We were the first! Why do we need another seven?! We were the stars of a Brad Pitt movie, goddammit!

Wrath: DIE, N00BS! DIE!!!

Lust: Fakers. We can totally kick their pretentious asses. Mmmm… asses. Gangbang, anyone?

Gluttony: Hey, you gonna eat that genetically modified tomato?

Envy: Nobody talked about us when we were introduced to the world. The Internet didn’t turn on the hype machine when we arrived! Why should these punks get all the attention and the drama?!

Sloth: Meh.

Greed: All sinners are ours for the taking! Not yours, OURS! Also, get off our lawn!

If you ask me, the original Seven Deadly Enemies of Man have a point. Do we really need seven more deadly enemies? The originals are deadly enough for chrissakes. Gluttony and Sloth alone guarantee my soul to be Satan’s property after I kick the damn bucket.

BREAKING NEWS: The Man Blog Declares Coup D'état! OMG!

Editor: Adrian Magnaye | Supposedly Under: the-source | Email this

MANILA, Philippines—A group of civilians calling themselves members of The Grand Order of Fail stormed Hotel Sogo in Cubao, Quezon City and declared what they call a “LOL D’état”. They have easily taken over hotel security by threatening them with suspicious-looking liquids contained within sealed vials marked with labels such as “herpes”, “syphilis”, “pubic lice”, “erectile dysfunction”, “premature ejaculation”, and the ominous “I don’t know what the fuck this is but you don’t want to get infected by it”.

The Philippine Media: LOLCasting at its best

Editor: Mike Villar | Supposedly Under: the-source | Email this

Am I the only one who finds the media’s predilection for depicting itself as a victim worryingly funny? Now, because every blogger in the country and their pet cats, in a quasi-journalistic fashion, are writing about yesterday’s hubbub involving a former navy lieutenant with funny hair, I’m pretty sure you have an idea of what I’m talking about and I am not even going to attempt to write about the machinations surrounding it.

Bleeding heart idealist militants are about as common in this country as prime time news shows showing a field reporter interviewing a suspected criminal in a ramshackle police precinct before finally cutting to an interview with the victim who’s talking about how the crime has caused damage to his life which are impossible to rectify. In this process, television viewers everywhere shed a sympathetic tear for the victim and summarily convict the suspected criminal in their minds.

The public is addicted to victim stories—everybody loves hearing about how some person got wronged and screwed over by some big bad guy—and the media knows this.

So, I wasn’t at all surprised when I heard ABS CBN cub reporter Willard Cheng on the news last night talk about how the police supposedly manhandled media men in the process of clearing out the Manila Peninsula yesterday:

Weekend Repost Series: An Exclusive Interview with Manny Pacquiao

Editor: Adrian Magnaye | Supposedly Under: the-source | Email this

Me: Before we go on, let me just tell you how proud I am of your victory.

Pacquiao: Yeah, yeah. Hey, did you see how that stripper grab that beer bottle with her-

Me: Um, look here.

Pacquiao: Man! I would like to get a piece of that-

Me: Look here.

Pacquiao: Oh, oh yeah. Want some ChickenMcDo?

Me: Uh, no. So, tell me, how do you feel over this victory over Morales?

Pacquiao: Of course it's awesome. No one can stand up to the brunt of my fists. You see, I love fisting. The ladies love the power of my magical left hook!

Manna From Heaven?

Editor: Adrian Magnaye | Supposedly Under: the-source | Email this

We just got this from a neighbor:

If you’re wondering what that stuff is, it’s called Hemin and it’s supposedly the bread of Padre Pio.

The bread is called Hemin. It is the bread of Padre Pio and it comes from the Vatican. It brings good luck to every family that eats it.

Interrupted

Editor: Baddie | Supposedly Under: the-source | Email this

November 22, 1987. Chicago, Illinois. Viewers of Dan Roan, the sports reporter of WGN-TV News Network at the time, were quietly watching Mr. Roan’s rundown of the day’s football highlights. The TV screen started to twitch. It distorted. And suddenly, a dude with a grinning face mask of Max Headroom greeted the viewers, much like what V from V for Vendetta did. But there was no audio. It lasted for only a few seconds. Approximately two hours later, the same thing happened with the WTTV network while they were broadcasting the Doctor Who episode “Horror of Fang Rock”. This time, there was audio. Most of the words the masked dude said was unintelligible. Towards the end of the mystifying pirate broadcast, an unknown female spanked him in the ass with a flyswatter. Hardcore. It freaked the hell out of everybody.

Chess Players required to undergo drug testing

Editor: Pau | Supposedly Under: the-source | Email this

Apparently Chess players are now required to undergo drug tests before competing.

“I would not know which drug could possibly help a chess player to improve his game,” competition manager Yousuf Ahmad Ali said.

“But, yes, there will be official monitors who may demand that players undergo a drugs test after the rounds.”

Shows what Yousuf Ahmad Ali knows. Heck, if I decided to become a Chess Player, I’d need a boat load of drugs just to train my shit up!
You see, I have arms the size of small children (or about half the size of my penis). Shit, it took me a little over an hour just typing the previous paragraph. I keep having to go back and edit and shit because I quickly get tired after typing three letters. Imagine what will happen if I have to continually pick up chess pieces without the help of performance enhancers?

December 22 is Global Orgasm Day

Editor: Adrian Magnaye | Supposedly Under: the-source | Email this

Thanks to Poldo and Pik Pak Bum, I’ve discovered this certain website that promotes world peace.

Uh, yeah, world peace. What’s wrong with that?

Oh, yeah, I forgot, they’re not your run-of-the-mill unwashed and drugged out hippies. They actually want to promote world peace through Global Orgasm. That means they’re also, um, sexed out.

An Exclusive Interview with Manny Pacquiao

Editor: Adrian Magnaye | Supposedly Under: the-source | Email this

In the light of teh boxing superstar Manny Pacquiao's awesome victory over Erik Morales, yours truly was able to catch Manny Pacquiao in a strip club secret location somewhere in Las Vegas and was able to score an exclusive, no-holds-barred interview with him.





Me: Before we go on, let me just tell you how proud I am of your victory.

Pacquiao: Yeah, yeah. Hey, did you see how that stripper grab that beer bottle with her-

Me: Um, look here.

Pacquiao: Man! I would like to get a piece of that-

Me: Look here.

Pacquiao: Oh, oh yeah. Want some ChickenMcDo?