Michelle "Motherfucking" Rodriguez
Things you probably didn’t know about Michelle Rodriguez (inspired by this site):
- Michelle Rodriguez has never cried. When she was a baby, her scowl was enough to scare anyone into breastfeeding her. Even men.
- Michelle Rodriguez is the only woman in history to ever rape a man. In the ass.
- Michelle Rodriguez once saved the world from being destroyed by a meteor just by scowling at it until it went in the other direction. A committee got together to plan the celebration, but she threw all of them at the retreating meteor, thereby destroying it. Shockwaves from the collision destroyed all living dinosaurs on the planet.
- The reason why Vin Diesel and Michelle Rodriguez are no longer together is because they can not have sex. The one time they did is now known as “The Big Bang.”
- Michelle Rodriguez’s middle name is “Motherfucking.” It was given to her by her mother.
- Whenever Keyser Soze’s kids are being difficult, he tells them stories about Michelle Rodriguez to shut them the hell up.
- Michelle Rodriguez is afflicted with 57 different kinds of cancer. Only they’re too scared to do shit.
- Michelle Rodriguez can sneeze with her eyes open.
- Michelle Rodriguez once saved 314 orphans from a fire. She then proceeded to eat each and every one of them because nothing can build up a healthy appetite like a total display of awesome.
- Michelle Rodriguez does not drink alcohol anymore. The last time she got drunk, she ate 5 million burritos and shit out what would later be known as the Philippines.
- There are no mute people. Only people that Michelle Rodriguez has told to “Shut the fuck up.”
- Michelle Rodriguez can open manhole covers with her eyelids.
- The word “Jihad” was invented to describe Michelle Rodriguez’s scowl. Since nobody wants to say it to her face, the word was given to the Muslims instead.
- The last time Michelle Rodriguez laughed, cancer was born.
- The Holocaust never happened. It was only invented to cover up Michelle Rodriguez’s foray into cooking.
- The only reason why Jesus was sent down to Earth to die was because Michelle Rodriguez called God a fag.
- Michelle Rodriguez cannot conceive a child because her egg cells will only “Jihad Stare” any approaching sperm cell until it exploded. The only person who can impregnate her is Optimus Prime. But he’s too chicken to make the first move.
- The Incredible Hulk turns green only because Michelle Rodriguez allows it.
- The real reason why The Titanic sunk was because Michelle Rodriguez spent 3 days running on water around it yelling “Boats are for pussies!” It was only a matter of time before the captain snapped and tried to run her over. Unfortunately for them, Michelle Rodriguez turned herself into an iceberg just as the ship was about to hit her.
- Michelle Rodriguez can watch DVDs without a player.
